What's this grammar thing everyone keeps talking about?

My biggest worry is not knowing how to explain concepts. To be honest, I've never been too interested in grammar before now. I think the last grammar and composition class I had was over fifteen years ago. Grammar evokes images of a crusty, matronly old English teacher named Bertha spouting off about verb conjugation and slapping your wrist when you use "who" instead of "whom." I never thought I'd want to teach it.
Being in the Writing Center has changed my mind. I was amazed when I taught my first workshop last semester and saw the students were actually into it. They were involved, they participated, they raised their hands--it was amazing. The veteran tutors and Claire know how to make grammar interesting. This is mainly accomplished through interactive grammar exercises and finding ways to incorporate Star Wars into as many practice sentences as possible. 

Back to my concern. I've been a reader my entire life and I know intuitively when something is wrong with a sentence or a paragraph, but I'm not always able to explain why. I'm still learning the terminology. To wit -- I didn't know what an independent clause was until I came to the Writing Center (or, rather, I didn't know an independent clause was called an independent clause until I came to the Writing Center). I have no idea what a dangling modifier is. I can only name four of the six comma rules off the top of my head.

But I'm learning. The Least You Should Know About English book is a great help. It's also great to be able to teach the terminology in an actual session. I'm actually enjoying my crash course in grammar. So am I a little nervous? Sure. But more excited than anything.

Rusty English

What I am most nervous about tutoring this semester is that my English has gotten a little rusty. English has always been what I am best at and what I enjoy the most, but since pursing nursing my English courses have been far and few between. I did write on for my college newspaper, The College Times, at Utah Valley University. Writing for a college paper is different than submitting something for a class, you have editors look your work over and people are reading it with a different purpose. I was a columnist so I got to put a lot of myself into my writing, which may not be the case for the research paper I will be reading over with students.
Sometimes I think that it is better for someone who struggled with a subject to teach it, because they can explain to better and in many ways understand the material in a way that most people can relate to. I struggled with Algebra I really had to think through each problem. I probably could teach Algebra because I have to think about why you do each step. This is not the case for me in reading and composition.I read a lot, love to write, but why does a comma go there, I don’t always know. I learn to play tennis very quickly after a month I was playing varsity singles for my high school team. However, when my husband asks me how to improve his serve I can’t really tell him because it comes so naturally to me. I hope tutoring will not be this way for me. I have always done well in my English classes, I just hope I can explain what I know.

Leesen to da reethum an don be escart

I'm not nervous about tutoring.

Let me explain.  Last spring, about a week after I got the job in the writing center, Claire asked me to help teach a workshop.  The subject that day was prepositions.  I knew from the script Claire had given me that a preposition was a word that described position in place or time.  I don't remember the sentence we used as an example, but it had the word "as" in it. Something like, "Amy brushed her hair as she waited for the bus."  I quite proudly explained that "as she waited for the bus" was the prepositional phrase that placed Amy in time and space.  Well I was wrong.  Claire quickly cut in to explain that "as" is not a preposition but a subordinating conjunction.  I was embarrassed, really embarrassed, but it passed. I live to tutor another day. An old hispanic grandmother once explained to me that to dance one simply had to "leesen to da reethum an don be escart."   The writing center is full of people that can help, so the music is pretty easy to follow. I'm not a grammarian.  I didn't know what a subordinating conjunction was.  There are many things I don't know, but there can't be a better place to learn than the writing center.

What if I forget?

I’m nervous about falling into the trap looking good, instead of doing good. I worry about forgetting that I came here to learn, not preach. I’m concerned that I might forget what I know in the process of trying to cover-up what I don’t know. I fear that I might say yes, when I mean no. I’m afraid I won’t be able to find the right words, at the right time.

As I fret, I’m consoled by the message on page 620 of the Cross-Talk text where Jacqueline Jones Royster declares, “We need to talk, yes, and to talk back, yes, but when do we listen? How do we listen? How do we demonstrate that we honor and respect the person talking and what that person is saying or what the person might say if we valued someone other than our selves having a turn to speak? How do we translate listening into language and action, into the creation of an appropriate response? How do we really ‘talk back’ rather than talk also? The goal is not, ‘You talk, I talk’. The goal is better practices so that we can exchange perspectives, negotiate meaning, and create understanding with the intent of being in a good position to cooperate, when, like now, cooperation is absolutely necessary.”

I’m also comforted by a sign I saw in the parking lot of a Pittsburg IKEA store that showed a little heart-shaped character with outstretched arms saying, “Don’t worry, you can bring it back!” I’m going to try to remember that if I forget, or make a mistake, I can “bring it back” and choose a better path.

More Nervous Now Than I Was Before

The thing that makes me the most nervous about tutoring is not being able to help a student. Either I won't know the answer, or I won't be able to give help. With not knowing the answer, I know that I can always find it by asking another tutor or researching it. But I'm worried about those papers on which a student is really looking for help, yet I can't provide it. I'm talking about those who have a really good paper, and I can't give any constructive feedback. I can't just tell them, "Oh, that's a great paper. Good job!" First of all, that would not be effective tutoring, and second, if I had a good paper and I took it to the writing center for help, I would hope and expect that the tutor would give me something to work with. So I guess I'm afraid to be expected of and not be able to follow through.

Another thing that scares me is a language barrier. I just want to help, and I imagine it could get pretty frustrating for myself and the tutee if we are not understanding each other.

Frustrated, scared, shy, and disinterested tutees are another barrier that I am worried about. I am nervous about trying to engage them when they don't want to be engaged and when they don't want to be there.

My Hopes and Fears

My biggest fear as I start this semester and begin tutoring is feeling lost. This is my first job since leaving the military at the end of 2009. Since then, getting used to doing things differently has been a serious challenge, and I am sure it will remain so. I did quite a bit of public speaking in my last year in the Navy, especially during my deployment to Kuwait and upon returning to San Diego. That was very different, though. In my briefings, pretty much the same questions were asked each week. Furthermore, I felt like I had the rank and the authority to command people’s attention. In the Writing Center, it is not quite the same. I am worried about making a mistake and looking foolish or like I do not know what I am talking about. I look forward to becoming comfortable and confident enough to conduct a tutoring session or deliver a workshop effectively. I know this will be difficult, and that the only way to get there is by practicing and learning from the more experienced tutors.

I think getting over that fear will become easier as I get more practice and feel like I am learning from others and from my own mistakes. I have a generally positive view of human nature, and I like to think that people are forgiving of those who try to help them, even when they cannot do it perfectly. In my limited time at the Writing Center, I have already experienced this and seen it with other tutors. No one can be perfect all the time. Still, it is scary for me to think about the very likely scenario that at some point, I will feel lost, and I am sure it will happen at some point during a workshop as well as at some point during a tutoring session.

This fear goes further than simply being worried about not knowing the material well enough, though. I worry about feeling lost in the Center in other ways. I worry about not doing everything at work right, about forgetting to do something, or about misunderstanding something. I am even afraid that my fear will show and feed off of itself.

Fear is a very powerful thing, and most often a negative one. But it can also serve to make me more aware of what I am doing, and to drive me to do the very best that I can in every situation. Like everything, fear is good in moderation. I hope that this is the case, and that I can use this fear for positive things. I do not want it to become crippling to the point of not letting me take chances and show leadership and creativity. At the same time, I do not want the fear to leave me completely, since that may lead to recklessness and lack of awareness.

So that is my biggest fear. I hope to soon feel as confident doing this as I felt doing my old Navy job.

Confession.

I would have to say what makes me most nervous is talking to people. This sounds a bit drastic, but what I really mean is that I feel a bit anxious about being required to get a little closer than just sitting down and exchanging a few words. From my previous experiences, I have noticed that most people really do pour themselves into their papers. A lot of times it can get fairly personal. I feel as if they are trusting me with their most closely guarded secrets, and I must say that tutoring becomes quite a burden when thinking about it in that way. I've almost become a priest of sorts: people expect me to save them, and in turn will tell me things that I probably don't want to know.

On the more technical topics, such as sciences, I feel like the material and language may fly right over me. I don't want to get caught up in a situation where I don't have anything to contribute because the tutee has already surpassed my abilities in writing. In short, I'd just like to help people with their papers; Being stripped of that ability would be a real blow to me.

Like I stated previously, I just want to help people. My biggest fear is that I will be unable to. Seems like a fairly generic fear, but it's real.

What I'm nervous about

In regards to myself, I suppose that one of the things I'm most nervous about would be an instance where I advised the student to make a decision about the composition of his or her paper that turned out to be a mistake. Also, when I look back on my days teaching English in Beijing, I remember having performance anxiety while standing in front of a classroom of thirty to forty students waiting for me to spell a huge word that I was not quite familiar with. I guess it comes with the territory though. Students need people who either know the answers or can find them quickly.

Another area of contention, between the tutor and the student, might arise when the issue of awkward usage versus grammatical error is eventually encountered. Luckily, we're all attending this class so that we'll know exactly where to draw the line. I'm pretty sure everyone is quite familiar with the parts of speech and the definitions of their functions, but a class that really helped me to identitfy the basic shape that our language takes, in either written or spoken form, was English 3030.

Quick-Fixes & Tutees' Self-Efficacy

After being assigned to teach 9^th grade Language Arts half a week before school started and needing to plan two and a half months of lessons in the first week or two, I really don’t get nervous about working with students anymore. In fact, being able to spend 15-20 minutes working with one student in the effort to improve his or her writing sounds really exciting. However, something I worry about in regards to tutoring is that some students, particularly those who only stop by because their professors require a visit, will only want the quick-fix to their paper rather than help to improve their writing skills.

Providing instruction to help students become better writers rather than helping them to improve a single paragraph or even a single paper will be more beneficial in the long run. I wonder how many of the students I will be helping will just want the short-term improvement. When I was teaching 9^th grade, the students spent a week in the computer lab writing a compare/contrast essay while I walked around and read their thesis statements, topic sentences, and answered any questions they had. Some students wrote excellent essays and were still asking about ways to improve. Others would have some questions, receive feedback, and continue rewriting until they felt certain they completed their paper to the best of their ability. Unfortunately, there were some students who would want me to rewrite the problem areas instead of listening to what needed improvement and why and then working on the paper until they got it right. This was one of the most frustrating things as their teacher because I knew they had the ability to do it, but they didn’t want to put in the work or didn’t feel confident enough to do it on their own.

As a tutor, I worry about building up the self-efficacy of the students I work with as well as helping them to develop an improved ability to write. If students begin producing better work but don’t recognize their ability, they may continue to struggle or dislike the process of writing. To help me accomplish my goal of building each writer’s sense of self-efficacy, I plan on noting areas where the student did well, where they took new risks with the hope of becoming a more sophisticated writer, and where they could improve or have improved. Sometimes having someone else point out your strengths can be enough to boost one’s sense of worth; many studies in educational research show the strong connection between one’s perceived ability and their actual level of performance (Bandura). As such, if a student believes they have the ability to do well, they will perform better than one who does not believe they have the ability. Also, if a student recognizes that they have done well in the past, they often believe they are capable of doing well in the future. By showing students areas where they have succeeded, a tutor can boost their tutees’ sense of self-efficacy and influence their performance in a positive manner.

Nervous? Me?

As far as feeling prepared, that comes with time. I know that there is a learning curve to everything and I have to be patient with myself.

I suppose the thing I am most nervous about with regards to tutoring is not being able to help. I understand that I won't always be able to inspire everyone. I know that some people will learn and some won't. Some people won't have the same passion for the subject that I do.
However, I do believe that I should be able to help each person I meet with something. Knowing myself, I would feel devastated if a tutee walked away from a session feeling like they wasted their time. That is the thing that makes me most nervous.

Welcome!

So. What are you most nervous about with regard to tutoring? Please respond with a new post, not a comment!