Now that's just freaky.

Am I freaking out? Eh, I'm always freaking out about one thing or another. I'm used to it by now.

But why specifically? Well, I've never written this type of essay. I'm also having problems narrowing down or broadening my topic enough to find enough sources and information to fit the ten pages. Ten pages! I've written one of those before, but it was a persuasive essay--heck, I've written 200 pages before, but that was a fictional story!

What I guess I'm saying is, ten pages is daunting to me! And it feels like I'm chipping away at this huge slab of marble using nothing but a pencil for a chisel and a stuffed animal as the hammer. Impossible. Yet strangely amusing.

Although I guess it won't be too hard. The short responses that we've had to do for class all semester certainly seem to be helping--at least it's gearing my mind to think of the main concepts mentioned about the particular subject displayed in the article and how (with examples) the author explained it. I guess that's what this bibilographic essay is about? That seems to be my misconception.

Which is probably another fear that's standing in my way with this assignment. In the past, every time I've been told primarily verbal instructions for the writing assignment, I get confused and end up ruining it in some way. I've always been best with written instructions, whether in depth or not! Of course, now that I think about it, perhaps I can write my own: what to include in the bibliographic essay. Yes, that's a great idea.

ARRRGH! (Charlie Brownesque Scream)

Freaking out about the bib essay? Yes. Why? Multitudinous reasons.

For one, I have never written anything like this. I am in uncharted territory, and it feels like the natives are possibly hostile. Because I have never done this, I cannot default to my knowledge base and put myself on auto-pilot for this paper. Usually, I can do my research and then formulate my essay based upon the ARGUMENT I want to make. How the hell do you do that without an argument? I guess I'm going to find out.

For two, I have to write a whole other paper which is due the same day. As if I didn't have enough reading and writing to do for the bib essay, add on an essay about Frank Norris, McTeague, movies and comic books. Currently I am staring at the five books I have to sort through for research and the stack of articles. Boo. I just don't have enough focus to do them at the same time. This worries me.

For three, I currently don't have access to a vodka, valium, vanilla latte. This would help me be alert and yet relaxed.

For four (that sounds funny), I still have to maintain a household and two jobs while attempting both of these papers. I know that as a grad student I should be better prepared for this sort of thing, but honestly, I'm not. There I'm owning up. Isn't that what we discussed last time in class?

So in summation, I am very concerned about this essay. I really have no idea how to approach it, I have other stuff going on, and I am tired. The gloomy weather is just exacerbating these issues because of my seasonal affective disorder. Plus right now I miss my dog. I just realized that this blog is all over the place and mildly chaotic (wrong adverb use?). I feel rambly.

Anyway, it does help to read everyone else's blog and realize that I'm not the only one going through this. I am curious to see if tomorrow we can have a good discussion about everyone's anxieties about this assignment. Not that I didn't appreciate Aussie Rules Football or the cute Slow Loris.

I think part of the issue lies with Fall semester itself. We have a break of one day in the middle and by the time the next break comes, let's face it, it isn't really a break. Thanksgiving is awful. There is too much food, too much family and too much homework since everything is due right after that. I know that I should have done things earlier, but only nerds do that (wink-wink). I tried to do as much as I could, but life always happens. Damn you life. So I have no time and too much to do, the average student's mantra. It'll get done, though. Some how it always does.

The Answers are Blowing in the Wind

I am freaking out about the bibliographic essay, but it’s not because I don’t have enough sources. I really have too many. I am having trouble deciding which way to go with it. Should I discuss what learning disabilities are commonly seen in the writing center, or should I focus instead on what we can do in the writing center to help with them? Both ideas have merit, and I am curious where each will go.

I am also having difficulty finding time to read. I have read a couple of the articles to date, but that’s it. I don’t really want to spend the time and money to print them all up, but I think reading will go faster if I do. Maybe I’ll have to start riding the bus again, just so I can read undisturbed.

I really need to find a quiet place to read, and my life isn’t quiet. I live with teenagers, after all. My brain must compete with television, computer games and general hyperactivity for quiet time. Home is just not a quiet place.

My “other job” is not a quiet one, either. On my days away from Weber State I teach Art to elementary students. Most of the time I take art supplies around from room to room on a creaky little cart. Yesterday, though, my principal gave me a new classroom in which to teach. I felt like crying! My students behave so much better when they are in my room. Still, I have been unsuccessful in finding a quiet place to study there.

On the more positive side, I am truly looking forward to reading all of the articles. The subject caught my interest a long time ago, and I am ready to learn more about it. Maybe I’ll hide in a back room in the basement of the library.

Speaking of the library’s dungeon, has anyone else here tried to find a good children’s book there? It takes a while to find the “youth” section, even with directions. It just doesn’t look like the children’s section of a library. There are no rocking chairs or bean bag pillows to sit on. No one goes there at lunch time to read to the kids. Worst of all, there are no colorful murals on the walls depicting fairy tale characters or fantasy creatures. They don’t even have a LEGO table down there! Maybe I can get my elementary kids to hop the bus and come and change things. I’ll bring the paint and brushes, and they’ll provide the ideas and the energy needed to fix up the place.

Best of all, they can bring in some NOISE. Wait…that was what I was complaining about in the first place: my life is too noisy. Maybe I’ll just try to enjoy the glorious energy that swirls around my life right now, my wonderful children, those animated art students, and this hectic, crazy college life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ll just have to learn to read in a whirlwind.

Metacognition

The issues I am currently facing still deal with research. The broad topic of metacognitive theory is supplying me with a lot of information that I still cannot filter through. I am still working on ensuring that my essay revolves around metacognitive theory APPLYING to tutoring papers. I have not yet found a paper that adequately fuses these two subjects and I fear that I will have to do the fusing myself.

Emig was the individual that originally inspired my chosen topic, but even her paper is not applying metacognition to writing centers; Emig applys metacognition to writing...not teaching. I am also reminded of Rafoth's essay on imposing critical thinking techniques onto the tutor, but these two essays serve one purpose without the other. My options with most of the essays I've been reading are either in the direction of pure theory and science with no application, or simply the application sans theory.

The majority of sources that I am finding are either much too broad or too narrow. The broad sources consist of references to psychologists or simply controversies revolving around the study of thought. The sources that are too narrow fuse the study of thought to assisting disabled students.

I feel that I am still too early on in my gathering of sources; I am still trying to get a good idea of what it is I am even writing about. :( The depth of this topic is a little overwhelming. On that same note, the writing and research that I am being exposed to is intriguing, so I am able to keep my interest in the articles/books - which is very important considering 98% of the work involved in writing the bibliographic essay revolves around the attainment of research.

I am trying not to get ahead of myself. My mind is already teeming and I am tempted to draw conclusions and start working on a rough draft, but I am still only scraping the surface of the great depth of this topic.

The devotion of time that this essay requires is definitely killing me, but I am hoping if I dig deep enough into cyber-world, I will find a beacon of hope and a dimension that helps bind all of these concepts together for me.

No time to say Hello. Goodbye! I'm late I'm late I'm late.

I think my biggest concern about the bib essay so far is just being able to read all the sources I have identified/gotten and getting the rest of them squared away as well. I still need about 4 more sources and I feel as though I cannot even begin writing until I have found and read them all. I have a pretty good idea of where I want the essay to go and I am sure the actual writing part will be just fine (no worse than any other essay I have written. It might actually be easier since I am more interested in summary of other’s arguments rather than making my own), but I do not have enough info to get started yet and it is driving me nuts.
Also, as the franticness (franticity? Frantic nature?) of my previous paragraph may have pointed out, I feel like I am totally running out of time. Sure ILL does take their time, but I am more worried that the book will get there and I will not have any time to go get it until about three days later. Even then I will not have time (or I will do the fun procrastinating thing that I have had years to perfect) to write the paper as early on as I would like and I will have to speed-write over Thanksgiving weekend. I am trying to avoid that, of course (especially since my older sister has decided to come back from the Netherlands and grace us with her Dutch presence for Thanksgiving) and hope and plan that I will be able to. Yes, I am completely freaking out that it (and by “it” I mean “writing my paper before the weekend before it is due”) will not happen, but who knows?
Whew, okay, taking a breath here. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale.
Most everything else concerning the paper I am totally okay with. Finding the sources is only as stressful as I had anticipated, reading the sources and figuring out what they mean, what they are trying to say, how they relate to one another, and where to find quotes in them is a breeze. It is only that stupid time factor that is raising my blood pressure and making my face go red just thinking of it (though, to be honest, it does not take much to make my face go red…closely followed by the part in my hair…and my shoulders…and my forearms. Ahem! Anyway…). If anyone knows of a way to slow down time while I remain at my current speed, I would like the answer to that formula!

Quibblin about the Bib

Freaking out huh? I don’t think I’ve procrastinated it enough yet to start freaking out yet. But I am beginning to realize how fast the date is approaching. Today as I was sitting in math I looked at my planner provided by the University and I noticed that the bibliographic essay is due in less than three weeks, 20 days to be exact. Luckily, during my Saturday shift I was able to research some sources and get a head start on them. I think I’m at about four sources now and that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. Whether or not I can get the rest of the sources by Thanksgiving is another story. I keep saying that I have a bad feeling about that weekend. If I don’t get on it and start gathering all my sources than Thanksgiving will prove to be a very dreadful weekend.

Other than that I don’t think I’m worried about much. I am really happy that it is not due during final weeks though. I think I would just call it quits if I had to worry about that during finals weeks. I’m just hoping that I’m able to make a lot of progress on the essay before the Thanksgiving weekend actually hits. If I have an outline and a clear idea of how the paper is going to go, I’ll call it a success. Writing the actual paper won’t be very terrible if I at least know how it is going to go and how it will all be set up. At that point, the paper will just fall into place as I sit at the computer. Well, hopefully that is how it is going to go. Chances are that it will all explode in my face and I’ll be left with a smoldering pile of melted computer parts and burnt silicon. But that will just make the whole experience that much more fun, right?

Well, Eric’s blog inspired me. I agree with the point that he argued. Pokemon is heads and tails above Yu-Gi-Oh. And who wouldn’t want a Charmander? I don’t think that I want to meet the person that doesn’t. You know what? I’ve been having some arguments with some friends about various fictional fights. We’ve been matching up various super heroes and arguing who would win. If you have any insights please offer them. One of the matches was Voldemort vs. Darth Vader. We also though about throwing Neo in the mix. We also argued amongst the comic book world. We came down to two: Wolverine and The Incredible Hulk. We have had some heated discussions about these fights and if you feel inclined to share any insight into the situation I would appreciate it. These are the kind of papers students need to be writing! These are the hard issues that need to be settled. There needs to be some type of public debate or forum that deals with these issues. Perhaps President Obama could host a town hall meeting and put an end to these red hot problems.

My essay...sheesh.

My biggest concern with the essay is that it hides under the grand title of "Bibliographic". I've never written a bibliographic essay before, and I'm mostly worried that I'll do it wrong. It's 15 pages, and it would be extremely frustrating to write that much, only to discover that I did it incorrectly.

That being said, I've decided to approach this like a research paper. My topic, Adult Learners, is one that doesn't really have conflicting viewpoints. It has a tentative beginning, and a field of study that several prominent researchers have contributed to. Only one man, Malcolm Knowles, has actually focused most of his research studying how adults learn.

I've got a few pages written already, and it's starting to look like a research paper (as I intended, although I'm not sure that's correct). You know, it has a thesis-ish statement that describes the field of Adult Learning as having begun when one guy said this, and has grown into something that every secondary/adult education institution concerns itself with.

I explain how Adult Learning (androgogy) developed, expound heavily on Knowles' theory (because he's the biggest name in the field) and then give excerpts and their corresponding explanations from several other authorities. The problem is, there really isn't much out there about "Tutoring Adult Learners". It seems that everyone has focused on how adults learn, and that everything else has to be applied inductively. No paper came out and said, "oh, you should use these strategies for tutoring adults." Instead, they said something like, "Adults are receptive to these types of learning approaches," and left me to assume that I could apply them to my tutoring.

So that's the deal. I'm trying to do my best, but this is just a little difficult to grasp mentally. It's interesting, though, so I'm enjoying the learning I'm doing for this. Thanks for letting us pick our own topics (because otherwise this would be really unbearable! :-)

Arguing Pokemon

Who taught me how to write arguments? Hmm… That is a really good question. I remember specifically who taught me how to write research papers. It was my senior year in high school, for my senior project. Her name evades me, but she did a good job. As far as argument goes I am not one hundred percent sure. If I was forced to guess, which I am for the blog, I would have to say it was my English 1010 professor, Dr. Barlow. I could have been taught earlier but I do not remember. English 1010 is as far back as I can go for being taught argument.

I took the class out in far off Davis campus, so the class was pretty quiet and nonparticipating. Dr. Barlow just stood at the front of the class and lectured off the qualities of an argumentative paper. First of all we had to come up with a topic. The topic had to be wide enough to write on, but not too broad for the allotted pages. If the topic was too broad we would not have been able to argue it effectively in a short paper. Guns and abortion were out as topics. The topic had to be actually arguable. This versus that. Or, that versus this. The topic could not be something unarguable topic like, Pokémon is a good TV show. We were taught that there had to be two sides to the argument and to pick one and fight for it. The best kind of an argument paper is one that acknowledges both sides and gives arguments for both sides, but then totally destroys the opposing side’s arguments. Our guidelines for the argument paper were very specific. First the paper had to very clearly list both sides of the topic, and which side was going to be argued for. Then the topic was explained. Followed by why the chosen side was better. Then it was conclusion time, which was basically just repeating in one sentence why the chosen side of the topic was better than the other.

Unfortunately, my first argumentative paper on the university level was on the Iraq war. I say unfortunately because that is one boring, lame, and overdone topic. In my defense it was like three years ago before the topic was over argued, and the country was still split on whether or not it was a good thing. Luckily that changed, for the most part. How much cooler would an argumentative paper about Pokémon be? Much cooler is the answer to the previously stated question. Pokémon being a cool TV show is not argument enough, so I would have to change it something like, Pokémon is a better TV show compared to Yu-Gi-Oh. This topic can actually be argued. Pokémon has better core values, and shows much stronger friendships. Plus who would not want to own a Charmander? Only a crazy person would answer no to this question. And Pokémon has a better storyline because it is deeper and more involved. These are reasons that give credence to Pokémon. And that is how to write argument.

So

Are you freaking out about the bibliographic essay yet? What kinds of problems are you having?