Here we go with the philosophical approach that can never end...First of all, I am so not converted to the “writing to somebody” argument. It may be out of sheer stubbornness, it may out of sheer denial, but I do not like the mental picture of me constantly forming a mental picture of someone while I write. This is actually ironic, since from my budding-poet high school years, I would constantly write about poetry having a voice, and people liking your poetry because the voice matched their own, and finding that one true voice that matched all the voices of the world. I am trying so hard to recognize a mental image of a reader even as I write this sentence, but nothing comes. I am intent on the words themselves.

Yet even now in the same movement, I am playing Devil’s Advocate in my mind. But why read, and re-read it, Rachel, unless you are revising it for someone else’s eyes? Is not the entire purpose of a language itself to communicate? Don’t you get the feeling like...Oh I don’t know...maybe you’re just WRONG?! And this is the argument where Devil’s Advocate Me is ignored without fail, and Devil’s Advocate Me nevertheless never fails to reach this argument, for some reason.

Maybe the people I’m imagining reading it are flashing through my mind too quickly, like newsreel mugshots spinning by, except they don’t have faces, or personalities...just quintessences of people. Aw, do I hafta be imaginin’ somebody? It’s just not an idea that tastes good to me...what to do...I can only be right by myself and outside of this blog. Curse you, St. Vincent! You are not making this blog any easier with your dynamic vocals, backgrounded with subtle orchestral music and uncanny, psychedelic-pop! I guess I could just close Windows Media Player. Or go to bed. Or both. How many words left to go? 223? Bring it.

So, I think people go through emotional development when posting with audience conscientiousness on a blog (we are for the sake of getting somewhere simple not going to argue the topic any longer). You start with this self-centered view that everyone is reading your blog, because a) it’s available to everyone, and b) you are obviously important. After finally grasping you don’t force gravity, you move on to the adult stage of apathy mixed in with responsible action. Write the blog, and write it well; don’t expect anyone to read it. Third stage; emotionally mature enough to simply not anticipate any impact on the world anymore. You get this sort of old-person surprise at someone actually unearthing your writing, and responding to it. This sometimes circles back to stage one of self-centered-ness. I’m sure I had a point that somehow connects to the original prompt...

BTW, Cameron, you realize by breaking the cardinal internet rule you are risking the wrath of the internet-zombie-ninjas? Just thought I’d warn you...I know people at the top...

Everyone and No One

All things considered, after looking through this blog, I don't really expect any large number of people to be reading it. For the most part I expect past, present, and future tutors to view my blog entries, think "That guy's weird" and continue on to more "normal" people. It's a reaction I'm pretty familiar with, so that's more or less what I expect of my reader.

Generally speaking, though, I consider average or normal-ish people to be reading the blog and reacting to me in an odd manner, usually mentally like: "This guy's nuts" and things of that nature. I expect them to sitting at home or at a computer, reading this very blog either out of boredom, curiosity, or a resignation concerning the collegiate system of required activities. I write freely about whatever I'm thinking about, for the most part. There are occasionally Mormons (and teachers) who are reading this, so I try to tone down the language.

Other than that I expect the readers to either not be interested or to write me off as some wacko crazy man, so I feel free to write whatever happens to come to mind in stream-of-consciousness fashion. Without any concern about what other people will think of me, I feel freed of (some of) my inhibitions and I tend to be rather uninhibited with my writing, and my activities, as a result of my personality. I'm just really comfortable with myself. I think I sometimes try to be weird just to get people to say "Wow, you're weird" because it amuses me to see their confused, and maybe frightened, expressions. I imagine the readers of this blog to be thinking along those very lines, so I sit here with this bemused smile on my face, and sometimes giggle mischievously, when I picture the reaction our button-down English tutoring students have upon reading said entry. As a result, I guess I write (and act) in a manner that provokes such a response, for I personally find it to be very entertaining and enjoyable when such occurs. I also think of Michael and Katy reading this blog, and think of their annoyed and/or irritated looks when they find out that I've, yet again, beaten them to the punch. Sadly, tis not meant to be this time, but oh well, cest la vie. Such was a major concern of mine when writing this blog, but now that I am no longer under any pressure to do any such thing, I can take the blog at a more relaxed pace.

I suppose, in another sense, that I'm just being who I am (more or less), and if you don't like it, well, I don't particularly care whether you like it or not. I just try to be me, and most people don't understand and/or appreciate my personality and sense of humor, anyway, so I'm not too afraid of rejection. "I yams what I yams and that's all that I yams and I cannot be what I yaint."

"Not a day less will do.. from you!" ~Ben Harper

I think that maybe Kassie or Cameron is reading this right now. Probably because they’re the only ones who have talked to me about it. Well, Greg did, but he only got as far as my title. But what did I do at the beginning of the semester when neither Kassie or Cameron talked to me? I mimicked Cameron and Michael’s style of joking around while answering the question. Why? Because they made me laugh.

I never really noticed that I wrote to a certain crowd, though, before reading the Ong essay. Now that I realize it, I’m kind of nervous. Am I living up to Kassie’s and Cameron’s expectations? Yet, ironically, I don’t really envision Dr. Rogers or Claire reading this. I know they do. Claire talked about how impressed she was with our responses in class today. Yet even while writing this now, I’m still picturing Cameron and Kassie at one of the computers in the Writing Center reading this to pass the time. Maybe the real question is whether I truly believe Dr. Rogers and Claire read the responses. In the back of my mind I’m thinking “Claire’s got the Writing Center to run and she’s taking classes. There’s no way she has time to read what we write. And Dr. Rogers has classes. He even said today how far behind he was in grading. He doesn’t have time to regularly read our responses.”

I think that because I’m thinking Kassie and Cameron are reading this, I try to make it fit what they’d like to hear. For instance, I know that both love to write fiction. I know that both are good-humored type of people and can appreciate humorous tone while reading. So, with that in mind, I try to make my blogs as entertaining as possible. This one is losing by a long shot.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of to say about that. (Feeling like Forrest Gump all of a sudden). But now, while I’m thinking of extra things to say to fill out the rest of the 500 words, I’m thinking about what I need to do when I get home. Do I have time to watch a movie? Do I have homework that I can work on while watching a movie? Maybe I’ll rent Forrest Gump tonight. That reminds me that I need to return the movie “1408” because I’ll probably be getting late notifications soon. THAT was a scary movie. No joke, I almost cried. I bought “The Music Man” starring Robert Preston and Shirley Jones, though, and that’s a very happy movie! If you’ve never seen it, I definitely recommend it! Especially if you like musicals! Lots of good one-liners! Speaking of one-liners, I went and saw “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” last night and it was hilarious! I WAS crying for laughing so hard! That’s something else I recommend people to go watch! All right, this should be good enough! Tootles, everyone!

PS.. I believe I TOTALLY beat everyone this week! BOOYAH!

Metablogging

As we discussed in class, I'd like to see you all think through what
you think about when you think about writing on this blog. Who do you imagine reading it? In what conditions? How does that affect what you write and how you write it? Certainly, you're all responding to my prompts, but even within that structure you have to imagine someone reading it.

WWJJD: What Would James Joyce Do?

"riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs..."

Almost every week, I’ve worked with tutees who were reticent, but honest-to-goodness reluctant writers have been few in number. The only reluctant tutee I can remember came in to the writing center a couple weeks ago:

On a dark and stormy Wednesday night, Cameron and I were faithfully sentrying our posts. As usual, we were exploring the nethermost reaches of human cognition.

Meta-Michael: ...and THAT’S why a CCV-based phonotactics paradigm is utterly risible!

Meta-Cameron: Risible, you say? Utterly, you say? Bah! CCV may be rare, even unlikely, but it’s still possible. Difficult, yes, but definitely possible.

Meta-Tutee: Umm... Hi.

In the tempestuous ardor of philosophical discourse, we had forgotten to keep an eye on the door. How long had that meta-tutee been standing there?

Meta-Cameron: Here to talk about some writing?

Meta-Tutee: Umm... yeah.

Meta-Cameron: Great! Meta-Michael will be happy to help you.

Meta-Michael: Why don’t you have a seat here at the table? We’ll go ahead and get started.

Meta-Tutee: ‘kay.

Meta-Michael: Could you tell me a little bit about the assignment? [The assignment was fairly singular, and in the interest of the student’s anonymity, the nature of this assignment has been changed in the lines below.]

Meta-Tutee: It’s a sociology project. We had to observe some advertisements here on campus, find something that stood out to us, and tie it in to some of the vocabulary we learned.

Meta-Michael: Okay. Do you have any particular concerns about this paper? Anything you want me to especially look for?

Meta-Tutee: Umm... grammar. Flow, maybe.

Meta-Michael: Anything else?

Meta-Tutee: Umm... No. Not really. Meta-Tutee slides his paper across the table to Meta-Michael, leans back in his chair, and folds his arms.

Meta-Michael’s unspoken thoughts: Oh, boy.

Meta-Michael: Why don’t we read through your paper together?

The look on Meta-Tutee’s face: Dude, you’ve GOT to be joking.

Meta-Tutee: Umm... ‘kay.

James Joyce: If you're trying to mimic my stylistics, good sir, you're failing quite horribly.

We read through his introduction, correcting some minor grammar errors. The Meta-Tutee didn’t seem to mind reading his own work, but as we proceeded to the body paragraphs, his patience was, somehow, strained.

Meta-Michael: All these paragraphs are pretty short. Usually, a well-developed paragraph will have more than just two sentences. Maybe we could combine some of these shorter paragraphs into larger ones.

Meta-Tutee hesitates.

Meta-Michael: Could you explain these scientific terms to me? Maybe we could combine them into some larger ideas.

Meta-Tutee: But... But I thought you can only have one idea per paragraph.

Meta-Michael: You’re exactly right. I think your essay would be much stronger, however, if we found some larger, umbrella ideas to help organize some of these details. Could you help me understand some of these terms you use?

Meta-Tutee is silent and averts his eyes. Meta-Michael asks further questions about some of the terms, trying to discern their specialized meanings.

Meta-Tutee: No, no. It’s not... Not really... No.

The look on Meta-Tutee’s face: How much longer till I can go home?

The clock: Eight thirty-five.

Meta-Cameron: Oh! Is that sociology? Mind if I lend a little assistance?

Visibly, no words could have been sweeter to the ears of the very flustered Meta-Tutee and Meta-Michael.

To make a short story shorter, the situation was resolved by Cameron to tutoring in my place. Overall, the session went alright, but defensive minimalist tutoring, I think, would have been of immense help. Or perhaps it would be even more expedient to reschedule the session for a later time. If nothing else, the session with the “sociology" student provided valuable experience, and hopefully, I’ll be better prepared to work with reluctant students in the future. I like to think that Mr. Joyce would agree.