Shitty shit shit (Just some shit that I learned)

Nikki six is right, Knowing that we don't know is where we should all be at the moment. If you can master this concept you are on the right track for development. Maybe John is right, maybe we should re-name the master tutor title to something like, ultra-listener. At least after ten milllion hours of tutoring we should be able to perfect the art of listening.

Even though we are beyond the age when a professor would open our heads and pour in endless amounts of knowledge, I feel like that is where I am now. The things that I was concerned about in the beginning are still concerns, but now I have multiple ways to try to try to resolve them. I think everyone has already explained what would of been helpful in the beginning. Yes, APA and Chicago style would have been nice to know, but I would of liked to have gone over MLA too. MLA is the format that I use the most, but I just copy verbatim what I see, as Rachel said, in my writing bible. I think it would of been effective for me to learn the different styles in the beginning, then review them once more in the end. Every session that I have encountered involving APA has been difficult, but I don't lie to the student. I just try to angle our conversations to avoid talking about what I don't know. Mostly the pamphlets or the numerous writing bibles have gotten me out of the lion's pit or a roaring oven. I guess to view it as a miracle, I was thrown into the oven, but like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, I hid in a cool corner holding ever so tightly to my writing bible. In the end, I wasn't burned. I helped the students find their answers using the writing center's bibles. I know that I don't know everything, and I don't pretend that I do. I just use the resources that are around me.

As we come to an end in this class, I still have a lot (just for you Dr. Rogers) of unanswered questions. But I did get my answer of why I shoudn't use a lot, a lot of the time. The class has been exceptional for me. My writing proficiency has increased more from this class than my whole scholastic career. My ability to bullshit has grown too, and I got to say I could bullshit pretty good before. Seriously, this has been a very good class for me. I too feel like I have a long way to go, but at least I am on the right path for greatness in anglais.

Now that this class is over, I have been trying to memorize every different approach that we have learned. This frustrated me because I knew that I would forget them. Now I realize that I can simply learn from all the tutor's different styles. Dr. Rogers asked us in class last week why we were all picked to be tutors - what we all had in common. I thought it was a silly question, but now I realize that we were all picked because we are all different. We are all curious, and our curiousity leads us to understand things differently. I think that this will be the key for me. My development will come from my surroundings, which is better known as my fellow tutors. I'll spend my time perfecting the art of listening and push the envelope to become a master tutor.

I also wish that I started my essay earlier, but se la vie. I do find some relief in knowing that even Dr. Rogers waits till the last minute to finish some of his speeches. It's nice to know that we all put things off and still can create something with substance.

Reflections...

Well, one thing that I have known all along, and yet I am barely beginning to truly understand, is that there are limitations on what is expected of me. In other words, it is not part of my job/ personal responsibility to ensure that a student walks away with perfect paper, especially if it is due in an hour. It takes some pressure off, I guess. Not that this job has been high pressure by any means, at least not compared to some others that I’ve had, and definitely compared to some other jobs that are out there…

As it has been mentioned already, it is nice to know and expect that some sessions will not be perfect. In fact, most sessions will not be perfect, yet they can still be good and productive.

The whole learning styles thing has been very helpful. It can improve communication miraculously. While it seems fairly obvious now, it did not enter my mind before it was mentioned in class. It seems like I used a lot of techniques that work well for me in explaining concepts to students, but that approach didn’t work equally well with all of them. And it’s not like I am some communication guru now- far from it- but there has been some noticeable improvement.

Overall though I am a slow learner, I’m afraid, because that’s about all I’ve been able to implement. But I am really tired right now, my brain is hurting, so maybe there are other things, but I just can’t think of them now.

I know it been very interesting to read some theory stuff, such as post process, writing as a mode of learning, and that “Inventing the University” essay. I guess it helps in gaining insight into some of the writing issues that come up. Once the root of the problem is known, one can go to work on it. But I don’t know if a lot of those things are necessarily problems… A lot of them are just essential steps of learning to express one’s thoughts in writing.

Another thing that I have learned is that I don’t have to be perfect in English to be of some use to the students. Although I was really excited about the job, at the beginning of the semester I had some serious doubts whether I will be any good at it. And while I am keenly aware that there’s a lot of room for improvement, at this point in the semester I also know that some things have been accomplished. Ah, I always have to pat myself on the shoulder, don’t I?

Well, enough of all this self-affirming, insecure/conceited babble, or whatever it is. Good luck to all of you with your essays, and finals, and Christmas shopping, and whatever else you feel you could use some luck with.

Known Unknowns

So, I realized that I haven't posted on here in a little while. That is unfortunate, considering that it is a portion of my grade. Nonetheless, I am here now to ramble about the things I wish I'd known right from the beginning.

A good grasp of APA and Chicago styles would have been useful from day one. Having only ever written in MLA style, I found myself at a bit of a disadvantage, although I DID have my writing Bible (aka Keys For Writers). Hooray!

I wonder if I would have even taken the job as a tutor if I had known then what I know now. The intimidation factor would have trippled for sure. So many people come into the Writing Center who know more than I do on a variety of subjects. I constantly ask myslef how I can possibly help them. And yet I sail in every time and just do the best I can. I sometimes question the wisdom of having undergraduate tutors help graduate students.

That leads to the question of: when do we become experts or scholars in our field? When we leave this class and after a certain amount of tutoring hours we will be called "master tutors". But we won't really be masters. In a way, tutors are "inventing the university" as much as the students we tutor. We pretend to be experts and we tutor the students based on what we think their professors want. When will we be able to write and teach others to write merely for writing's sake and not in an effort to impress a professor?

To sum up: I didn't know much when I began as a tutor, and now after a semester of it, I see that there is so much more that I don't know that I didn't know I didn't know. I'm left with a pile of known unknowns rather than a pile of unknown unknowns.

How did they discover my secret?!

Well Ms. Jenny the problem would be that I really AM the Jackle! MUAHAHAHAH …. Oh wait, that’s Jackal, damn, and here I thought computers had become smart enough to actually accurately reveal the superhero’s secret identity. I was about to send one to Metropolis and see if that dork reporter Lois Lane would pick up on CLARK KENT!!! HELLO! Ahem…well, now that I’ve had a total spaze moment and rambled on for several sentences in response to other people’s posts I suppose I should start on my actual blogg prompt huh? Oh, wait, one more thing before I do… I want to join!!! I’ll be the missionary/torturer for the Cult of Gaiman. It’ll be fun, promise! Wow… look at all my ellipsis and exclamation points, I really need to tone that down. Neh, no fun that way!

Reflections, somehow they always make me sad. Perhaps it’s because hindsight really IS 20/20 and being partially blind I can certainly appreciate that, and mourn it all the further. I tend to look back and wonder what in the world I was thinking, or wish fervently that I had even half the knowledge then that I do now. But, there’s no use crying over spilt milk right? The best you can do is mop it up before it seeps into the grout and no amount of scrubbing will remove the smell. Still, to ignore the clichéd statements I have to take a step back and look back for a moment and I suppose it wasn’t to bad. I know I made a lot of dorky mistakes with tutees that I simply made through ignorance, not that that that’s really an excuse. I aloud some students to walk over me because I was so frightened of doing something wrong and disappointing Claire, or I would reach out and try to comfort a whinny student rather than leading their issues back into the world of the session itself.

Even outside of the student themselves I wish I had a fraction of the grammatical and analytical knowledge that I’ve gained just from this class alone, although I will admit a LOT of what I know now came from my Latin class; there is nothing quite like a foreign language to kick start your native language skills. I will still be the first to admit that I have a LONG way to go before I can claim any proficiency with the damn punctuation… I still hold my comma’s close to my heart, but I am attempting to chisel them away for others so I have to get SOME credit for that growth. I understand a little bit better now and I’ll keep working on it, I’m quite sure that if I fail at it anywhere there are PLENTY of people who would be more than happy to point out my stumble *cough*Derek*cough* ANYWAY! The fact is that I recognize that I have a long way to go and I’m not ready to quite just yet so I’d say their some hope for me yet.
Now, I will once more return to my present and ever fuzzy future, curse near-sightedness, and I will ignore that which I can no longer change having taken from it the changes and knowledge that I needed. Wow…that was deep…
Ja! ^^

They would have been good things to know

First off, as a student in a tutoring course I wish I would have taken the advice a little more seriously about starting my bibliographic essay quite early. Ha, ha. (Man! That is REALLY not funny.)

But as a tutor I guess I would have like to have known APA and Chicago styles a little bit better beforehand. Although, having worked with APA in the Writing Center throughout the semester helped me to understand the format even better when we did learn it. I had one session where I helped a lady with a bio med paper. This was one of my first sessions dealing with APA. I learned quite a bit even though I did not know that much to begin with. I pretended that I did though. Sometimes I have found that, that helps reassure the student and moves the session along. Don’t get me wrong though. I don’t think that misinforming the student because I don’t really know the answer is a good thing. But finding the answer with the student and sounding confident can definitely be.

Another thing that I would have liked to know is how to work with ESL students. My very first session was with an Asian student who was near graduation. She was preparing a resume, and Sam gave me the opportunity to tutor her (In other words she made me tutor her. Nevertheless, I do not hold a grudge.) This first experience was rather a beastly one. I believe I took the paper, mumbled stuff to myself, and my nerves may have caused me to fix errors that were not in fact errors. Yikes! My experiences now with ESL students are so much better because I know a little more about what I can do. I usually read the paper because they do not feel comfortable doing so. While I am doing this I know that it is probably okay to skip the small stuff unless they ask me not to. If I understand it, then all is well. The best technique that I have found when I do not understand what they have written is to simply ask them what they mean. They are usually able to explain quite well their intentions. And from that they are able to effectively write a sentence.

This strategy works just as well with non-ESL students. We all write sentences that make sense to us but when others read them it is a different story. I have found that taking a break from the paper and asking them what they mean really, really works. I wish I would have applied this technique in the beginning. It is a beautiful way to organize a nonsensical paper. I have also seen cases when it helps the writer to develop a concrete thesis instead of a bunch of wishy-washy words. One of the essays that I am using in my bibliographic essay is about off-topic conversation and how it can help generate new ideas. It is quite interesting to see how a little bit of conversation with students can relax the atmosphere and at the same time explore new grounds that the writer has not thought about.

Taa-da! Now to main event of this evening...

I suppose that since I failed to respond to the last post that I'll make up for it here- maybe; however that means this will most likely be a long rambler of a post. Please bear with me and now on with the show!
There are quite a few things that I wish I'd known when I first became a tutor, but at the same time I wonder if these things would mean as much if I had known them implicitly as oppose to discovering them through trails and tribulations. It would have made things easier in some sessions, true, but maybe without my experimentation to find the "right" way I would have missed some of the success I had or screwed things up beyond repair- I just don't know to be quite honest. If I had to pin it down to one thing I suppose it might be just knowing that business done well and promptly is all fine and dandy but liveliness, personality, and not being a tone/grammar-stiff is a much better. Everyone (student, tutor-i.e. me-, and writing center muses) all work with a greater degree of efficacy with casual conversation or lively banter. I know now that even with just twenty minutes at my disposal I can manipulate chit-chat and pop culture into lessons, and its just been a world of help. One such occasion was with a FYE student and a paper full of exclamation marks. I asked if she watched Seinfield at all, she did, and we chatted about our favorite moments then...Me: "Did you see that episode were Elan broke up with her boyfriend because he didn't use an exclamation mark on the note with the baby, and she then rewrote his entire manuscript in exclamations points? 'He put on his sweatshirt!!' Well here its kind of the same..." It just worked so much better then saying something about not using too many exclamations, and was really fun. True such systems don't always work but point me out a system that's fail-safe and I'll revise my tactics.
Still, I don't think this moment or any others would have the greater meanings they do now if I'd known then. Perhaps you can tell I don't enjoy these kinds of questions because on one hand they frustrate me and on the other I don't understand how or why they matter. What's done is done and I'll use what's been done to improve- so why the fuss over wishing I could have known something in a situation/time were it just may have been impossible to know and is certainly impossible now to fix in that way of going back. I must admit though I feel slightly sorry for students who had me innately in the "business first, holiday (if possible) second" mode of operation. Poor chaps...
Today Jacie and I were having a very interesting conversation about one of the unexpected results of being a writing tutor: Ripping apart previously loved books because, while the ideas still hold meaning, now with a greater understanding of the process of writing there is a terrible desire so re-write much of what's been written. Of course, it works the other way around too. I always loved Neil Gaimen but now that I know how he does what he does and why I absolutely worship the man. I also think I could successfully take a leaf out of Papa Joe-Joe's book and start a tax exempt religion to Gaimen but that's neither here nor there. How about it? Who wants to be the next member in the Cult of Gaimen? Step up now, don't be shy, no shoving or anything of that ilk. By the way Jacie, I didn't believe the spell checker for one instance when it tried to tell me you ought to be called "Jackle" instead.

Holy Mahogany Batman!

Trying to steer clear of the rhetorical questions that usually begin my blog postings, I will say this: ESL students are awesome. That being said, the one thing I wish that I had done at the beginning of the semester is keep a journal in my folder to record the positive and negative aspects of the individual sessions that I had. I took the time to write down what I could have done differently after a bad session once and it helped a lot. I felt like I had something to show for my session, and that I could improve next time because it forced me to take the time to analyze what happened, and how I could possibly avoid those problems in coming sessions. Though I haven't really looked at it since, I have that paper to refer back to when I need it, like right now for instance. Right now I'm really wishing I knew what it was that I wrote down, and all I have to do is take a short trip over to the Writing Center and it's in my grasp. I can remember the majority of my sessions if I search my brain long enough, but it really is nice to have that quick, permanent access to the knowledge that I've acquired- and again, it made me think about things that I would have otherwise probably fretted about, then discharged. It's an incredibly useful tool - I really need to go and get one.
In other breaking news, I wish that I had known that I was definitely going to be at Weber State this spring. I would have been able to get much more tutoring done, and I think that I would have approached the whole process with a different attitude.
I actually don’t think I could have learned what I’ve learned this semester any other way, I mean it’s nice to talk about going off and reading all of the literature there is on tutoring and seeing Victor Villanueva in person, and how much of a difference it could make if we had done that all immediately (or at all), but I don’t think that the readings that I have done could have been applied at all really if we hadn’t been doing the tutoring all along, it changed my learning process because it had direct and immediate application to what I was doing, and though that caused me to flounder sometimes, I believe that learning about tutoring this way, to quote Ebenezer Scrooge’s Nephew “has done me good, and will do me good.” I do wish that I would have known more grammar, I do wish that I would have known more intrinsically that messing up was going to happen, and I wish that I knew initially that 20 minutes was not what it was going to take me starting out doing sessions, or in a lot of cases period, simply because of the nature of the session. Still working on that one. Time management during sessions is often still something that eludes me and though I know this is a great way to learn it, if I could have one thing implanted into my brain artificially, it would be that.

twenty twenty

I wish that I had the communication ability then that I have now. When I first started, I thought that it was very hard to figure out what people "were trying to say." I wish that I knew that effective questioning begins with who, what, where, when, how. I have found that these interogative beginings of questioning puts the responsibility of answering the question on the student. I wisht that I knew how to re-ask a question a student is asking me. For example, I have had students ask me, "what do you think of this?" My respons(now), is, "I don't know, what do you think about this?" I am suprised to find that most people aren't looking for an opinion; rather, they are looking for validation or invalidation of what they are intrinsicly thinking. Asking the student what they have asked mi is importante because it takes me out of an akward situation and simultaniously creates a non-directive heuristic in tutoring.

Also, I wish that I had the reading comprehension that I do now. Working in the writing center for a year has helped me to see what people are trying to say despite bad grammar. This increased reading comprehension has come from reading many essays that force me to ask myself, "Huh?" That in conjunction with effective questioning has produced better tutoring than before.

Some days, I feel like I know everything there is to know about tutoring, and other days I feel like it is my first day. I suppose it is unrealistic to hope that every session is a blockbuster success, but I am certainly striving for that.

Knowing that not every session is going to be a success is something that I wish I knew when I first started because there were markedly more unsuccesful sessions in the beggining than there are now. I have now been awarded my master tutor certification.

I don't feel like a master tutor. When I think of master, I think of mastery of a skill, and I do not think that I have mastered tutoring by any means. After reading all the essays out of Cross-Talk, I feel like I am a little fish swimming in a big pond. There are so many people that have had so much more experience than me, but I suppose that everyone can't be at the same level. I just wish that my title we're more fitting to how I feel as a tutor.

If I were to go back in time and tell my beggining tutor self on thing it would be, "There is a ton of information that you don't know, and be aware that you don't know it all." The only mastery that I feel is that of knowing that I don't know.

Reflection

Now that we're winding down the semester, I would like to see you all do a bit of reflection. We can begin with a simple question: what do you know now about tutoring that you wish you'd known earlier?