My first attempt at college was a complete failure, academically speaking. As Bartholomae put it, "This [college student] has entered the discourse without successfully approximating it" (627). I was loving coerced into attending a university to become a pilot. Although, there were many personal factors involved in my demise, the most influential factor was my inability to acclimate to the university lifestyle. The only times I pursued any direction from officials were to get my key for my dorm room and to get my physical for my pilot's license. Other than that, I decided I was going to brave the the experience on my own. Needless to say, 18 year olds don't know ANYTHING and my venture was unsuccessful. The worst part was that I repeated the same offense for two years with identical outcomes. I only regularly attended my major classes (yes, as a freshman) and as a result, I didn't pass any of my gen ed classes and as a result of that, none of my credits transferred when I grew up and decided to attend Weber. So, fresh start, here I came.

When I said that my first attempt was a complete academic failure, I did not mean that it was a complete failure. As a result of my misadventures, I learned many valuable lessons that I carry with me today. Again, there are quite a few that are personal experiences but the grand majority were lessons that taught me not to be an idiot with regards to college life. I feel that there are two factors that influence Bartholomae's theory on inventing the university. The first factor is maturity. For some, this comes at 18, for the "normal" people, this mature comes later in life. Unfortunately, it cost me a great deal to learn this lesson, as I am sure many have done before me, and many will do after me. A student has to be able to accept the fact that they don't know everything and that it does require help to get through college. That doesn't always come from advisers and administrators but help is needed none the less. That is the second factor in successfully inventing the university, the "squeaky wheel" theory. The clouds did not part and reveal for me how to get through the maze of gen ed classes successfully. This was something that required research (via catalog and handouts) and on occasion, a trip to the advising center. Now that I have learned that I need to ask for help before I can receive it and I have reached the level of maturity needed to successfully navigate the university world, I feel that inventing the university is no longer a challenge for me. The road that got me to this point was RIDICULOUS! I am glad I did it; however, I don't ever want to go through that again.

Just Kidding!

I would have to say that what Bartholomae says about inventing the university is fairly close to my experience, but I don’t think that it was as extremely difficult as he describes it for me to fall in line. My very first semester up at Weber really wasn’t that bad. I had just gotten married, so I decided to take some easier classes that I knew I would be able to pass. The unfortunate part about my assumption of ‘easy’ was that I was wrong. When the teacher was lecturing sometimes I just did not understand the point he was trying to make. Back in little old high school, the teacher taught you a concept point-blank and expected you to follow it. Now, I had to try to figure out what the concept was through examples, practice, and other such tools. I eventually got the hang of it. Then I started realizing that you didn’t have to come to class! Ok, so technically, everyone needs to go to class. But, when there was no immediate consequence from not showing up, I just decided to sleep in a few times – or more. Then, I started to realize that I couldn’t keep up as well in the class discussions which then in turn made me tune out which was the equivalent of not going. It was an awful, horrible way to prepare myself for future classes. This notion hit me hardest when I began my second semester. I went from two easy-ish classes, to a full schedule, while still working full time and marriage and such. Of course, my attendance was not the best...I felt too tired or that I could ‘catch up’ later on, but I didn’t. After that semester, I finally realized how you have to actually participate in the learning process to learn something! What a radical idea! I think one of my mistakes in the beginning was trying to go through college without any guidance. I got the information I needed on what classes I should take for my major/minor, and then I just kind of went for it. Later on I found out that you could actually meet with a counselor – just like you did in high school – and have them help you organize your schedule and introduce you to more resources. Did I finally go to a counselor when I found this out? No. If something can be difficult, I’ll find the most difficult way to accomplish that task. As time went on, I became less afraid of the direction I was going in and more willing to ask for help, but still no counselor. I decided to find out what I needed from other students that I had classes with! This actually worked out really well. I found out who the good teachers were for what, how to use some of the resources on campus, and I didn’t have to admit to a superior that I needed help. I think that this is one thing that the tutees may feel when they come to the Writing Center. Finally, they have someone who can understand what they’re going through! (Because, of course, their professors never went through the same thing) Now, I really do feel like I’m a natural at being a student! I may still have questions in the future and have something new thrown at me to ruin my little system, but I’m also aware of the ways the university works now.

The Other

Contemplation, reflection, assumption, these are the ideological underpinnings that define my perspective life, while entering into the academy. The deliberation of my mind, while sifting through my existence, all the while ignoring the Other, leads me through the maze of discovery. Searching, looking, and trying to find the acknowledgment of what knowledge is and who the Other is. This fascination with the Other, consumes my soul as I enter into each class. Each assignment is a section of my soul and being, to which I offer up the Other, for its determination. Am I fit to accept the knowledge for which has been displayed to me? The Other judges, evaluates, and brings my damnation.

Thus, every grade is a limitation of the knowledge, the “A” becomes the political subjectivity that we enter into within the master-slave relationship. Just as Bartholomae enters into this relationship with the power dichotomy, the student enters into the relationship with the Other. Hence, the Other, becomes the knowledge. But then the relationship is one-sided.

The Other, ignores my soul. Bleeding out, my being seeks to find autonomy with the Other. Navigation through the University becomes a form of negotiation. But how am I of value of the other? And in that case, what is value? Face-to-Face, I engage the Other, lending my mind as chalk board to be engraved and re-written upon. Fortunately, for me, the Other approved, leading me into the darkness of knowledge.
What is truth? What is knowledge? At what point does, my soul come to the acknowledgement of the Other? The University encapsulated the ideologies and consumed the souls of many. It is only at this point that I realize what the Other has to show me: The University is a creation of my being. Nor I, nor anyone, will be able to determine the world. Thus knowledge is my truth of being. When I am ravished from the Other, then, and only then, will The Other let me go.

To Write Right

Learning to write academically has been an arduous process for me. I don't remember anyone teaching me how to actually write. I remember Dr. Francis (history department) explaining the thesis-and-supporting-elements-form with his Slappy the Cat analogy. Learning the actual writing has been a long process. My ENG1010 amounted to a lot of writing about my feelings and getting a handout that identified prepositions. My 2010 spent a lot more time talking about fallacies than composition. I feel like it has taken a long time for me to learn to say what I want to at a level that doesn't sound like a third-grader but doesn't obfuscate in its attempt to sound academic. Fortunately for me, or for my writing, I do it recreationally; like with anything else, the more practice I get, the better I do.

Buck

Late Start

I am a little behind on my posts. Specifically, I've not written about my first week tutoring because the Labor Day holiday put me a week behind. Once I was finally in the Writing Center, I made not scaring the tutees one of my top priorities. For the most part, my efforts were successful. In one instance, it just didn't work out.

Lab Aide: Buck will be your tutor.
Tutee: (Looks at Buck and gets all Manga-eyed and trembly)
Buck: (Guides tutee to table, introduces himself. Tutee reciprocates) I've been told that I'm intimidating.
Tutee: (With quivering voice) I'm not intimidated.
Buck: That's excellent, because I'm not intimidating. I'm so not intimidating that country music makes me cry.
Tutee: (Laughs hysterical seizure-like laugh) I'm not intimidated.
Buck: Okay. Let's look at your paper then.

Besides that one sad incident, my other tutees have been satisfied, much to my satisfaction.

Buck

I was a Natural!

No explanation needed :)

The Code

My undergraduate experience definitely was filled with some of the things Bartholomae talks about. I felt lost. I knew that I had to act like I knew what I was talking about in my papers. In reality, I was an eighteen year old experiencing a brand new life. I felt like I had to relearn how to write. The difference between how I was supposed to write in high school and college was drastically different. A new type of writing was introduced to me. Research became something that my papers revolved around.

My freshmen year of college was a big wake up call for me. I was taking a mere 12 credits, living in the dorms, and not working, yet I was still overwhelmed. I had so many study groups and extra labs. I realized that I had to study a lot more than I did in high school. I was at a university where the average ATC score was a 28. My score was nothing next to that. I was competing with naturally brilliant students. However, these students were not accustomed to constant study like I was. I actually ended up getting better scores on some things because I knew how to study. I had to study to do well in high school. I went to more additional lab support type things than most. I utilized those resources on campus. I remember sitting in my American Heritage course with 749 other people. I wanted to know my teacher, but it was virtually impossible. Many of the teachers would be frustrated when you walked into their office hours because it was part of their research time (the real reason they get paid). Some would be an asset, but many felt like their job was just to go and lecture. Although there was frustration at times, I found that I admired many of my teachers. When they lectured, I felt like I wanted to record everything they said. I realized that getting on good terms with certain professors was recommended.

At first, my college experience was frustrating because I felt like I was learning a new code to get through life. After I figured out that getting to know your teachers, studying at the library, and using the extra resources on campus, college became much more enjoyable. I felt like I had figured out the code. What worries me is that I know the code will change when I enter the professional world. I will again be uncomfortable. In some ways, I feel like I have become so comfortable living in the college world because I know how to navigate it. What is scary—is leaving this code and learning the next.

If I Could Invent the University My Way...

I'm sure there are plenty of students out there who can relate to the idea of having a teacher or professor that made it clear that it was either their way, or the highway. I have had a few of them myself. These are the teachers who don't care who you are or what your opinion is, because your opinion should be their opinion in the first place. I have felt that to pass a class I have had to mimic what the teacher has said and his or her attitude to be able to get a grade. There have been times when I've had to do just that as well, that is, act like my teacher and agree with every word that drips from their divine lips.

There have also been times when I have written a paper where the teacher does not explain what he or she is looking for in the essay and as a student I have had to take a shot in the dark and hope I hit the target. That is another time where I have conformed to what I think the teacher will be most aptly to approve of. Whenever I have had to do either of the above, I have felt more like a marionette and felt that I have not been able to learn anything from the professor. In that sense, I have had to 'invent' a way for myself to get by in classes like these by creating, as Bartholomae would put it, a 'mini-me' of the teacher.

There have also been a lot of other obstacles I've had to face since entering the University. I quickly learned first hand that if I did not know exactly what I wanted that I would not receive help or advice in the area I was searching for it. I have been sent on many a wild goose chase trying to get to what seems to be an unreachable destination. Just like what we talked about in class: it's near crazy, if not completely crazy, to ask an eighteen year old what he or she wants out of life and expect a direct and unwavering response.

That was how I felt. I had no clue what I wanted to do once I entered Weber State. All I knew was that I wanted an education. I felt, however, that because I did not know what I wanted that no one truly cared about my education aside from myself. Thus, I would be tossed from one hand to another until I finally 'shouted' back, "Alright! That's enough! I know what I want, and it's this. Now tell me what to do and where to go." It was only then that I was given direct responses and told who to see for advice. I had to learn how to play the University's game in order to get where I wanted. That is, I had to act like i knew where I was going and start setting the pieces myself before someone assimilated me into the noob section to begin my epic quest and journey towards a greater education and degree.

There have been much smaller instances where I have had to act like I was some kind of 733t and go charging forward with sword in hand to get where I had wanted to go. It's just a matter of keeping up with a game pace that is moving too fast and getting to the next level before the gate is closed and you have to start back at square one again.

Inventing The University

Has your experience of inventing the university been similar to what Bartholomae describes? If so, can you describe some of your experiences? How did you learn to navigate the university? Your classes? Your professors? Was it easy? Difficult? Frustrating?

The Origins of the Species... of Writing...

It was the dawn of time... Not really, but I do have quite a memorable path that lead me along the path of writing. One of my earliest pieces of writing was an epic picture book that I wrote in the second grade. Mr. Etheridge was my teacher, and he saw that I had a hand for story telling, and encouraged me to write up a story about what I had been joking about with my friend. It was february, and we were learning about George Washington, and thus "George Washington and the Meatball Tree" was born. It was an amazing tale related in six parts. So I embarked on my writing career.

One of my favorite things to do growing up was read with my father, and play scrabble with my family until the wee hours of the morning. My father always encouraged me to read all sorts of books, guiding me to literature that had withstood the test of time. I remember some of my favorite stories growing up being White Fang and the Call of the Wild. Jack London's writing drew me into the story, and I could really see Buck and White Fang pitting their wills against the wild. My father would tell me stories each night before I went to sleep, and I would come up with my own, and write them down as I found time. I feel that this free writing really lent growth to my capacity to express myself clearly, which is an important aspect of academic writing.

My father would always tke time out of his busy schedule to sit down with me and look over my writing, analyzing my ideas, and making me think. Throughout all of my years in the public school system, I never wrote a cop-out essay that was inflated with bogus concepts, and empty ideas. My father wouldn't have it. He felt that it was important that we honestly think about the concept, take a side, and put a real effort into defending it. We could worry about grammar and other errors later. The important thing was idea. It gave a piece of writing a soul and meaning. Then we scrubbed it up with punctuation and grammar. That is where my writing comes from.