ARRRGH! (Charlie Brownesque Scream)

Freaking out about the bib essay? Yes. Why? Multitudinous reasons.

For one, I have never written anything like this. I am in uncharted territory, and it feels like the natives are possibly hostile. Because I have never done this, I cannot default to my knowledge base and put myself on auto-pilot for this paper. Usually, I can do my research and then formulate my essay based upon the ARGUMENT I want to make. How the hell do you do that without an argument? I guess I'm going to find out.

For two, I have to write a whole other paper which is due the same day. As if I didn't have enough reading and writing to do for the bib essay, add on an essay about Frank Norris, McTeague, movies and comic books. Currently I am staring at the five books I have to sort through for research and the stack of articles. Boo. I just don't have enough focus to do them at the same time. This worries me.

For three, I currently don't have access to a vodka, valium, vanilla latte. This would help me be alert and yet relaxed.

For four (that sounds funny), I still have to maintain a household and two jobs while attempting both of these papers. I know that as a grad student I should be better prepared for this sort of thing, but honestly, I'm not. There I'm owning up. Isn't that what we discussed last time in class?

So in summation, I am very concerned about this essay. I really have no idea how to approach it, I have other stuff going on, and I am tired. The gloomy weather is just exacerbating these issues because of my seasonal affective disorder. Plus right now I miss my dog. I just realized that this blog is all over the place and mildly chaotic (wrong adverb use?). I feel rambly.

Anyway, it does help to read everyone else's blog and realize that I'm not the only one going through this. I am curious to see if tomorrow we can have a good discussion about everyone's anxieties about this assignment. Not that I didn't appreciate Aussie Rules Football or the cute Slow Loris.

I think part of the issue lies with Fall semester itself. We have a break of one day in the middle and by the time the next break comes, let's face it, it isn't really a break. Thanksgiving is awful. There is too much food, too much family and too much homework since everything is due right after that. I know that I should have done things earlier, but only nerds do that (wink-wink). I tried to do as much as I could, but life always happens. Damn you life. So I have no time and too much to do, the average student's mantra. It'll get done, though. Some how it always does.