On Inevitable Mistakes

Funny story. I wasn't particularly nervous at all.. until I was asked if I was.

Thanks, professor.

Really, though. I was so stoked when Claire hired me, thinking yes! Yes! A regular paycheck outside the exciting world of food services! No longer will I have to mutilate my animal bretheren, no longer will I return home reeking of vegetable oil! It was a happy, happy day.

Now, of course, as zero hour draws near and reality begins to sink her sharp little teeth into my brain stem, I'm starting to think my jubilation was a mite premature. Don't get me wrong - I really am excited. If I'm to sign fifteen hours of my week away, I'd certainly prefer it to be something with positive consequences and a host of pleasant co-workers. (You hear that? Pleasant. I'm counting on all of you.) But I am a tad nervous.

As is my way, I'm nervous about the most inane, baseless of details. I'm nervous about this "swiping in" business and keeping inaccurate records; some primitive part of me fears being tossed in the deepest labyrinth to rot with Theseus on the inevitable day of my first screwup. I fear my own ineloquence in explanation and the possibility of falling behind the progress of my fellow tutors. I'm worried I may neglect to master my own stressors and snap at an unsuspecting freshman, and I am, of course, concerned some poor doe-eyed thing will expect me to be much smarter than I am. (Bibliowhatnow?)

I'm nervous my internet will bomb out on me for three days and trick me into posting next week's blog at twelve in the morning. Ha. Ha ha.

I'm nervous. I just am. Or.. well, maybe nervous isn't quite the word. I'm trepidatious. I've never done this before, and that's naturally going to leave me a little unsettled. My ulcer isn't screaming and I'm not having nightmares about showing up to class naked, so it's clearly not a huge source of anxiety, but I suspect I'll have some butterflies my first day. That's just who I am. I take some comfort in knowing everyone else is a little unsteady, too, but then again, I also fear for our combined ineptitude.

Just kidding.

Maybe.

I'm as ready as I'm getting. I've skimmed the text book. I've shared an awkward laugh or two with my co-workers to be. I've developed a sort of grammatical elitism that almost requires I carry a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves everywhere I go, despite a dirty, dirty habit of beginning sentences with "but." (You will learn to hate me for it.) I'm sure I'll do fine. But I'm sure I'll trip a dozen times, too, and I'm nervous about how you lot will perceive me. That's what really puts me on edge.

Hopefully you'll all be just as clumsy.