Purple Butterflies
I have to admit that for quite some time during my junior high and early high school years, facing new situations and people was overtly terrifying to the point of being nauseating. Luckily, nothing entirely visible came out of that (or me, for that matter), and over time I eventually managed to overcome my fear of the "new" enough to nearly eliminate that incredibly unsettling, uncomfortable elevated level of nervousness.
That's not to say I am still not at least a little nervous when facing new situations, especially such situations as meeting face to face with a hitherto unfamiliar individual to assist in poking and prodding said individual's written creation. Having already completed one semester of tutoring though, I can (almost) safely assess what it is exactly that I am nervous about when facing each new tutoring session. Because really the nervousness never goes away—it lessens, becomes more manageable, and even reaches the point where not thinking about it means not feeling it. No matter how many tutoring sessions I sit through, I still have the same thoughts and questions of inadequacy floating in the back of my mind.
There are the typical questions that I think most tutors consider: Am I adequate enough as a tutor to give the tutee the assistance he or she needs? Can I explain what needs to be explained in a way that won’t confuse the tutee? For the most part there are the questions that deal primarily with the subject matter and my own capability to sound competent concerning it. But what I find pressing on my own mind many times are the questions and concerns about the tutee directly, or more importantly the dynamic between tutor and tutee.
Several tutoring sessions I have had included a tutee who very obviously showed that he or she did not want to be there, or that perhaps he or she was very uncomfortable with the confrontation and would like nothing better but to leave. Sessions like that only heightened my concern and nervousness about whether or not the next tutee would like me.
Yes, the primary source of my nervousness depends on what the tutee in question thinks of me. I guess it sounds elementary and insecure of me to say, I guess anyone would tell me that it doesn’t matter what someone thinks of me. But honestly, any tutee—or anyone at all for that matter—would be more willing to listen and pay attention to someone he or she liked or at least could relate too.
Of course, there is hardly enough time in a tutoring session for both sides to spill out a life story and form a bonding relationship bordering on best friend-ness. But tutors can at least be likeable, open, friendly, and hopefully not at all condescending or arrogant. For me at least, it is easier to admit to a friend that “I don’t know,” than it is to admit to a stranger. It’s often easier to point out mistakes or, on the other side, take criticism from a friend.
I want to be the tutee’s friend. Once I hit that point, then the rest is not too bad.
That's not to say I am still not at least a little nervous when facing new situations, especially such situations as meeting face to face with a hitherto unfamiliar individual to assist in poking and prodding said individual's written creation. Having already completed one semester of tutoring though, I can (almost) safely assess what it is exactly that I am nervous about when facing each new tutoring session. Because really the nervousness never goes away—it lessens, becomes more manageable, and even reaches the point where not thinking about it means not feeling it. No matter how many tutoring sessions I sit through, I still have the same thoughts and questions of inadequacy floating in the back of my mind.
There are the typical questions that I think most tutors consider: Am I adequate enough as a tutor to give the tutee the assistance he or she needs? Can I explain what needs to be explained in a way that won’t confuse the tutee? For the most part there are the questions that deal primarily with the subject matter and my own capability to sound competent concerning it. But what I find pressing on my own mind many times are the questions and concerns about the tutee directly, or more importantly the dynamic between tutor and tutee.
Several tutoring sessions I have had included a tutee who very obviously showed that he or she did not want to be there, or that perhaps he or she was very uncomfortable with the confrontation and would like nothing better but to leave. Sessions like that only heightened my concern and nervousness about whether or not the next tutee would like me.
Yes, the primary source of my nervousness depends on what the tutee in question thinks of me. I guess it sounds elementary and insecure of me to say, I guess anyone would tell me that it doesn’t matter what someone thinks of me. But honestly, any tutee—or anyone at all for that matter—would be more willing to listen and pay attention to someone he or she liked or at least could relate too.
Of course, there is hardly enough time in a tutoring session for both sides to spill out a life story and form a bonding relationship bordering on best friend-ness. But tutors can at least be likeable, open, friendly, and hopefully not at all condescending or arrogant. For me at least, it is easier to admit to a friend that “I don’t know,” than it is to admit to a stranger. It’s often easier to point out mistakes or, on the other side, take criticism from a friend.
I want to be the tutee’s friend. Once I hit that point, then the rest is not too bad.
posted by Keya at 11:48 PM
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