There is no role...

I imagine my boss reading this blog. I imagine my peers reading this blog. I imagine my professor reading this blog. I’m censored. I’m half honest. But what can be expected? A person is going to have a different conversation depending on who they are talking to. I’m not going into a job interview saying I’m a heroin addict. I’m not, but the point is there are levels of intimacy each person is going to have with another, a certain amount of interaction. It’s about more than just a personified role. It’s also about how much we hold back of ourselves; about how much we allow others to know. I feel like when I’m writing I am still writing as myself, to myself, but I am aware of how much information to withhold. Don’t let all the way loose. Because as I write this blog, I am really just focused about getting the number of required words for the assignment. There is no dear diary. There is real audience. I just know what I can or can’t say. A personal censorship is happening and I don’t necessarily think that is the same thing as an assumed role. I know that when I am writing the reading response or anything else along those lines there is a voice. I go into that “I’m a scholar now” voice where I pretend I know what I am talking about. But this….this blog, I don’t really apply that same style. The blog is too informal. I’m not totally sure what my voice should be, if there is any voice. What is it? And in each blog I write I feel like I begin to just ramble about nothing. I don’t even care about half way through everything. Actually about this point in I loose my way and don’t really know what else to say. Voice…voice; my voice is always changing and being altered. I feel like every day I am writing differently. Maybe I do have a voice when I am writing this blog, but don’t know. I always just want to get it over with. This blog isn’t my favorite thing to write. If I want to just get this thing out of the way, how can I have a voice? There is no hat, but there is censorship. Could you imagine what this blog would be like if there was no censorship? And that’s the difference I’m talking about here. I am aware people might be reading this, but that doesn’t mean I am becoming someone for everyone to read. I’m just writing because I really don’t care. What kind of voice does an indifferent person have? I will admit to being censored, that I am aware of what not to say, but the role just doesn’t feel like it is there.