"Because I said so" and emotions somewhere over there, please . . .

“Because I said so.” Those were the four words I most hated to hear my parents say when I asked them “Why” or “Why not?” More than any other four words, I believe those are designed to drive people crazy because they are both an answer to end all answers and no answer at all. My biggest fear is that a student will come to me with a paper, ask me about something, listen attentively to my suggestions and ask “Why?” or “Why not?” -- at which point, my brain will crumble to pieces and the only response I will be able to provide will be those awful words. “Because I said so.” After all, when it comes to the companion arts of writing and revising, I am only a tutor -- a human, fallible being who will occasionally have to swallow her pride and say, "Let me do some research" and "I don't know, but it just seems right. I'll look into it before our next session and explain it then in as much detail as I can."

My other huge fear, as I said in class, is that a student will have a complete emotional breakdown in the middle of a tutoring session. I like to think I am good at befriending people, at listening to people, and at helping people. However, I hold no illusions about how well I handle people with emotional trauma. To put it simply: I have difficulty reacting to people who are crying. I am so bad at it, I do not know how to react to me when I am crying. I have learned that these are things not to do in that sort of situation: a) completely ignore the person's emotion, b) stare at the person without saying anything (and make the person squirm), and c) plunge on as though the person hasn't a care in the world when they obviously have at least a million and two. I will cross this bridge when I come to it and I will try to remember compassion above all else because I have been the person breaking down. We all have. And I know most of the time I just wanted someone to tell me everything would be okay in the end -- even if they were lying.

Oh -- and I was also scared I would have problems getting along with all of you. But I was able to banish that fear by 10:45 Tuesday morning.