Please don't cry!

I really liked what the question we had in tutoring class today about what we should do if a client starts to cry. I like the question because I liked the answer that Dr. Rogers gave. He said something to the effect of they cry at times because they feel that they have lost their sense of control over the situation and that makes them over whelmed and upset. He said that if you start with something very small, even if it has to be a local issue, and you work with them on something they can easily do it gives them back some sense of control over the paper. You continue to spoon feed them small controllable bites of their paper until they feel confident in their control of the situation and can go on to the bigger issues that felt so overwhelming to them before.

THIS IS SO TRUE!! I know this is true because I had a situation where I was a client to a Spanish tutor and the session went horrible. I have looked back on the situation many times since then and wondered what that tutor did or did not do to make it such a horrible experience. It was not until Dr. Roger’s comments today in class that the whole situation started to make sense to me.

I was completely frustrated with my progress in my class and I felt a complete lack of control over the whole situation. I came to the tutor praying that he could help me. I explained all my problems and asked for his advice and help. After placing all my weaknesses in front of him (not an easy thing to do) he stared at me blankly. My heart sunk and I felt completely helpless. In a last ditch effort I got out one of my assignments for him to look at. He looked at all of the red marks and it was very obvious that he had no idea where to start. After obviously trying hard to explain some big stuff to me, that might have well have been German for as much as I understood him, I politely excused myself before the tears that were threatening emerged.

I almost immediately started wondering what that tutor should have done if anything to help me. Until now I figured there was no answer, the dumb girl was just too dumb to be helped. I was not satisfied with that answer especially now that I am a tutor. Now looking back he should have just immediately grabbed onto some small thing that he knew with a little coaching he could teach me. If he had done that I would have immediately felt not quite so helpless and dumb. He could have continued to build on that concept and at the same time build up my self confidence. I would have left not feeling that the whole session was a complete waste of both of our time. I would have felt some progress had been made and I would not have felt so completely overwhelmed.

I share this story with everyone so that you can learn from the client's point of view as I did so that no one will accidentally make anyone feel as helpless a client as I did that day. It is a horrible experience that no one should have.