Wait...what?

Midterms? Oh, right. Those...are over now? Wait, did they even start?

...I don't think I've had an actual midterm for several semesters. So I guess for me they went...just...dandy...

Yes.

But hey, apparently we have another slacker prompt thing going on this week. Yay slacker prompt! Now y'all get to hear about Twilight just as promised. Er...okay not all about it, since me talking about this subject can go on for several novels (which would be inherently better than the actual series anyway, so maybe it's not too much of a loss).

So Twilight is...well, let's face it. Twilight sucks. Half the Twilight-aware world knows it, and the other half either knows it and loves it anyway or just flat out refuses to listen to reason. I mean, seriously, it's a glorified abusive relationship that has sparkles thrown on it to make it look pretty. Since, you know, in today's society "pretty" totally sells itself.

Oh, speaking of sparkles...

GypsyDancer17: Oh it only gets worse after Twilight. The final book successfully shattered my sanity for a day.

CheleKat: Of course! After all, why teach kids lifelong values and lessons that would better the world as a whole when you can just SHATTER them for life and send all that makes life beautiful straight to hell? You know the answer! Shatter people! It's what makes SPARKLES.

GypsyDancer17: Those sparkles don't make themselves you know. You think you can achieve a statuesque-Godlike-diamond-velvety sparkle without shattering a few lives?

And that's where sparkles come from, kids. Also, apparently you can quite easily lose a moon. Don't ask me how--it's just another random fact to prove that reason and logic have NOTHING to do with this series. I guess that's what makes it "classic?"

I know it's childish to make a big deal out of this, but for one, it's quite fun, and for another, it's not like I can ignore it with half my friends and half the population around here (new reason to fear Utah) brandishing at least one of the four books in my face everywhere I go. Besides, why strain myself trying to ignore it when I can delight in tormenting those who obsess over it.

...yes, my point exactly. Everyone needs a hobby. Besides, if I play it right then I can cash in on the popularity on both sides through AnTwi (anti-Twilight for those unfamiliar with it) comics and art--which can sell well for both Twihards and AnTwis alike. Yay for manipulation! It gets you what you want--another valuable lesson that Twilight teaches us.

But wait, there are other lessons that Twilight teaches that probably won't make sense to anyone except those who know the series! Let's list:

-Abusive relationships are totally acceptable just as long as it's totally true love.
-If you want to be a good villain, be very devoted to the cause--even if that means watching several hundred hours worth of home videos about an idiotic girl.
-Another way to be a good villain? Be the main villain for two whole books and make ONE appearance at the very, very end so you can die off.
-ANOTHER way to be a good villain? Have an awesome sentence like this written about you: "Aro started to laugh. 'Ha, ha, ha,' he chuckled." Not only does it reiterate three times that you laugh, but it has commas!
-It's perfectly normal to have nightmares and become a complete zombie for several months after your boyfriend leaves you—and then trying to kill yourself repeatedly is awesome too!
-Having an uncaring, ignorant, perfectly incapable father like Charlie is just so hard…and yet so awesome?

-Life sucks. And it’s okay to complain about it. Over. And over. And over.

-Writing several pages about doing laundry and cooking dinner is just OMG such good writing!

Well there’s a whole lot more actually. I could go on, and on, and on forever…but I guess I have to stop now since I’m already well past six hundred words. YES.

P.S. If the movie Aro isn't totally gay, then my entire imagining of New Moon will be shattered. I could totally draw a Mormon allegory here, but I think I'll hold off.