Difficult Session
Now that it's been established that I am not brilliant with titles, let me say that I’ve been petty lucky, because most of my tutees are actively participating. In so many sessions I just feel like I am there more or less to observe the writers work on their papers, except for the occasional question or suggestion. I guess most of my tutees so far have been very motivated. And then they say that I helped them! I think most people just don’t realize that they are doing 99.9% of the work themselves; it’s a confidence issue or something.
Anyway, I guess this is supposed to be about difficulties. There are some. The reluctant writers are the hardest, although I’ve only had a couple. In one of the cases I was trying to explain to the student that making sure there’s a thesis is more important than punctuation, but she was adamant. “All I want is for you to make sure my grammar is OK. I am not going to make any other changes, all I want is to pass the class,” she said. I guess after she said that, I knew what I needed to do, so establishing a clear reason for coming in is the first step in these kinds of situations, and really with every student that comes. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel it is my responsibility to do everything within reason to make the student feel that they got what they came for, plus what they clearly need, if it is possible to subtly tack it on.
I also had a session with a student who was very involved in the session, so involved that he would ignore every suggestion I made. I remember feeling frustrated because I felt that I wasn’t helping the situation that clearly needed some help. I remember giving him the basic essay structure before he left, which I felt would be most useful thing I could do. The paper wasn’t that bad, so it was not the end of the world or anything. When he left, it suddenly became clear that the reason he came, whether he realized it or not, was to clarify for himself what he wanted to say, and apparently how he wanted to say it. And I tried my best to give him a form of expression. So at that point my frustration subsided.
Anyway, it sounds like I get frustrated when people don’t listen to me. But the only reason I want them to listen is for them, not for me, if that makes it any better and makes me less of a controlling jerk. I think that next time I start feeling frustrated, I need to remember that being emotionally invested in a job is the same as being emotionally invested in the paper – it can be good or bad, depending on a situation. But viewing my frustration as unproductive I believe and hope will help me to let go. Gosh, if this isn’t a therapy blog, I don’t know what is! But Dr. Rogers, big “fan” of therapy sessions that he is, literally asked for it, so I wash my hand clean.
Anyway, I guess this is supposed to be about difficulties. There are some. The reluctant writers are the hardest, although I’ve only had a couple. In one of the cases I was trying to explain to the student that making sure there’s a thesis is more important than punctuation, but she was adamant. “All I want is for you to make sure my grammar is OK. I am not going to make any other changes, all I want is to pass the class,” she said. I guess after she said that, I knew what I needed to do, so establishing a clear reason for coming in is the first step in these kinds of situations, and really with every student that comes. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel it is my responsibility to do everything within reason to make the student feel that they got what they came for, plus what they clearly need, if it is possible to subtly tack it on.
I also had a session with a student who was very involved in the session, so involved that he would ignore every suggestion I made. I remember feeling frustrated because I felt that I wasn’t helping the situation that clearly needed some help. I remember giving him the basic essay structure before he left, which I felt would be most useful thing I could do. The paper wasn’t that bad, so it was not the end of the world or anything. When he left, it suddenly became clear that the reason he came, whether he realized it or not, was to clarify for himself what he wanted to say, and apparently how he wanted to say it. And I tried my best to give him a form of expression. So at that point my frustration subsided.
Anyway, it sounds like I get frustrated when people don’t listen to me. But the only reason I want them to listen is for them, not for me, if that makes it any better and makes me less of a controlling jerk. I think that next time I start feeling frustrated, I need to remember that being emotionally invested in a job is the same as being emotionally invested in the paper – it can be good or bad, depending on a situation. But viewing my frustration as unproductive I believe and hope will help me to let go. Gosh, if this isn’t a therapy blog, I don’t know what is! But Dr. Rogers, big “fan” of therapy sessions that he is, literally asked for it, so I wash my hand clean.
posted by Anonymous at 6:50 AM
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